What constitutes a good marriage

Marriage… the commitment of two people that has promised God and man that they will become one in mind and spirit. To use their strengthsto prop up the others weakness. To dedicate to each other their lives until death. Just listen to the promise “Do you (*) take (*) to be your lawfully wedded wife, thru sickness and in health, thru good times and bad for as long as you both shall live?” It is supposed to be a lifetime commitment. But we see that better than 50% of marriages fail. And 60 to 70% of second marriages fail (probably because the second marriage doesn’t have enough money because the financial cost and alimony has left the guy with even less money than he has in his first marriage, and many marriages fail due to money problems)

But I think of an even bigger problem in marriages, communication or lack thereof. When a couple are new in a marriage, there is an excitement, an energy. Not to mention the physical act of coupling and acting like rabbits. After all, there is a ‘Honeymoon’ phase. The kissing, the couples ‘love language’. The notes left in the lunchbox, the flowers brought home ‘just because’. The constant midnight talks. The snuggling and physical touching that sends a spark and causes a chiver of pleasure. But then… there is less of these little acts, fewer notes and then less ‘sex’ replaced by more T.V. or a really nice night of sleep. The fancy dinners replaced by a KFC dinner. Maybe, children which changes your life in so many other ways. Packing childrens lunches, planning childrens activities, always having to clean up a mess that you just cleaned up yesterday. Your ‘alone’ time gets shorter and shorter. One or both no longer feels special and they look elsewhere for a renewed spark of excitement.

Many people are in love with the concept of marrige and not in love with the person they are married to. Look at the most successful marriage failures… those that rack up ex wives or ex husbands likea hobby. Elizebeth Taylor (8 marriages) and Mickey Rooney (8 failed marriages) come to mind. Jenniffer Lopez and Nicolas Cage (4 or more each). Zsa Zsa Gabor was married 9 times as well as Jennifer O’Niel. And these are just from Hollywood, or as I like to call them, Hollywierd.

When I was in college, a night course of English composition, I wrote a paper on how society has a disposable mindset. From diapers to fast food containers to marriages. You can judge a society by its general mindset. What do they value and what do they discard. That paper was written in 1981 yet today, even babies are discarded (aborted) or castrated (sex change/gender change). What does this say about our society when over 50% of marriages are discarded after the Honeymoon period?

Are people to be discarded like last years cell phone?

What do you spend your free time with? How much time do you spend with your spouse? When was the last time you stayed up all night talking with your ‘special’ person’? Do you still share your dreams and fears with your spouse? Do you feel comfortable enough with your loved one to be vulnerable? Do you read poetry to each other? Do you talk with and not at your spouse?

Now for a paradigm shift. Ephesians 5:25 thru 27

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless

We, as children of God are to present ourselves as the bride of Christ. How do you see your relationship with Christ? Do you use a checklist ‘Church on some Sundays, the change in my pocket for tithe, prayer only when I need something? Or do you spend time with your bridegroom? I was watching a Youtube short when someone brought this idea up. I feel like I have ignored my spouse. How about you?